Noah – The Mind Reader

It’s been over four fuckin’ years of restlessness. Aching restlessness. But it’s also meant four years of a living, breathing, meaningful  existence.   Noah is the dog I adopted from a shelter, at a time when I was as broken as he was. He greets me the same way each day. Bushy tail swinging side to…

Meet Rachel – a horse with two names

Rachel David is a practicing mental health counselor, interested in gender, sexuality and cross cultural perspectives. During her masters studies, she specialized in industrial psychology and counselling and is interested in creating safe spaces in and around herself. Rachel taught at Mount Carmel College, Bangalore, before she moved to Dehra Dun where she currently lives (and hibernates).  I…

Black Marker Expulsions

I don’t have too much to say for these sketches, except they are a form of catharsis. This particular type of black marker thing seems to ‘happen’ when I can’t find a way to express myself in the way that I’d like to in words. I’ve learned to stop and take a moment. These are…

Mindscapes

Often, words feel inadequate, or too conclusive, to express the range and depth of my emotional landscapes. I suppose that’s why the dark horse is nameless. Life right now feels like coming awake from a bad dream and realizing it was all a terrible joke I played on myself. There’s been a lot to process and I need to make use of every possible technique in my expanding toolkit in order to hold a clear enough view to make it through a day.

Sleeping my way through it….

Sleep is the only thing on my mind these days. I have skipped work, and instead slept this whole week. My room seems like a prison at these times. The only consolation is Noah is sleeping too, close by. Sleeping through my days is for me an almost certain indication that I’m falling into a…

Meanderings of a ‘seemingly-normal-not-so-dark’ depression

It’s been more than a few weeks of being stuck in this limbo, this stupor of being unable to run, read, write, work, think. To think. Not the superficial way that will get me through the day. There’s tiredness too climbing up the flight of stairs, which was not apparent earlier. Stuffing myself with far…

My Depression and Yours: Coping with Kindness

(Guest-post by crickhollow@gmail.com. Re-post) Onward, Though Your Feet Be Stumbling ~ Anonymous I am healing. It has been three years of self-destroying, painful despair. Three years of terrifying mood-swings, endless panic attacks, contemplations of suicide, and deep, deep hopelessness and loneliness. These three years have cost me everything I’ve worked hard for – all my…

No Sense of Place

(Re-post: This article first appeared in The Wire, 16 Jul 2017) Noah rides shotgun. Credit: Nisarg Prakash The city is slowly starting to stir. I jump the gate, climb up three floors, heaving my backpack clumsily despite my intentions to remain stealthy as a cat. But he has already been alerted. Maybe it was shutting…

The Mind’s River

(Re-post: This article first appeared in The Wire,15 Feb 2017) The Cauvery river is like any ordinary fern-lined stream in the upper reaches. Credit: Nisarg Prakash January 1, 2017. I have been running. Running hard all these years. Running on tarmac, on dirt, running from others – and even harder from myself. I was afraid…